Why world?! Why?! Help!

Gosh I am just so sick and tired of this. No matter where we go, what we do there is always someone (unknowingly) making remarks that just piss one of us off. And I feel like no matter how much we try to engage with the world we still find it horribly boring. For instance the house mates were talking as a group for three plus hours, and it was dreadful. We honestly don't understand how people can talk about grocery prices and things like that for that long. Isn't there some other more significant topic to discuss?!

Maybe it's because of our background, and maybe it's because we are so in tune with what each other are doing that we don't need to have small talk discussions. But still. We want so badly to talk to people about really deep things, but they ALWAYS shut us down. Don't even get a chance. And we get that they might not be comfortable or there yet, but seriously?! Even the hosts freaking parents just blot everything out and don't even LISTEN!

It's great we have each other, but there are times when just feel so lonely, that we could cry. I mean it's great and all to have that loving presence, but what about the physcial presence? I just want to curl up into a ball and cry, and hide.

And after classes, and work get done we are just so tired mentally and physically. Yet it feels as if our spirit is starved. And we don't know how to feed it. Don't know how to talk to someone else about our deep burning questions and thoughts. It's just sad that society in general doesn't welcome the really deep topics.

Like for instance we've been struggling a lot with the spiritual aspect. We all feel like we believe different things, a mixture of spiritualities for instance. Yet every time we try and discuss this with someone they make remarks saying that we can't do that. We even had the host's mom say: "If you don't believe in God you will never be happy. If you don't put all your faith and trust in Jesus Christ then you will never find peace. And you aren't even trying. You're just an empty shell, a fake of a human being. I wish I never had you." And even though we are here to protect the host, it's really tearing us up, cause as you can see religion/spirituality is a really touchy subject for us. And we aren't saying that we need to be told what to believe, or what is okay to believe. But has anyone else had any experience with this (different members of the system sharing different beliefs?) What did you guys do? We are all usually co-fronting so it makes things more difficult.

Today has just been really rough. And I have been fronting like alll the time now. And I just want to go cry my heart out. I sometimes wish that we all weren't trapped behind this body, and we could interact out in the open all togehter in this present moment.

It's just that the host always is replaying the mean things the parents say to them, and I can't take it anymore. We can't take it anymore. The hosts energy is just so depressing, negative and everything that even we can't help them. We all feel so useless, we all feel like we've just been lying to ourselves that we could really help the host.

*goes and runs away*

Avery typed this, and the Ashwars and the host contributed

***would it be too hopeful that a miracle will happen? Or will we get another system member...cause I don't know if we can take it. We already feel like a lie.

I really feel for you Avery, for all of you. I can very much relate to nearly everything you've shared. I can hear how very overwhelmed and lonely you are right now. I am horrible at small talk. It doesn't hold my interest in the slightest. Like you, I'd much rather have deeper discussions about life.

Within our system there are many who can't stand to hear religion discussed as it is very triggering. Some embrace the idea of a higher being and just take bits and pieces from various religions that they can relate to. I'm fairly Spiritual but don't subscribe to any religion. It can be challenging having so many in the system with different beliefs, that's for sure! Basically we all try to respect the other's right to believe what they want and nobody tries converting the rest to their way of thinking.

I too wish there was someone on the outside I could share an affectionate hug with or have console me through a good cry. I have the support of the system and some really lovely friends online but it's not enough sometimes.

As far as your host always replaying painful messages in her head, my host experiences that too at times. It used to happen daily. It's very difficult to turn those tapes off. It can be done with a lot of practice. Rebecca's T asked her to be mindful of when it happened to talk to herself and the system (because there were persecuting alters that would sometimes be torturing her) Her T suggested saying inside that unless there was an unlearned valueable lesson to the memory that it needed to be put aside. If there were unexpressed emotions around it to write them out or discuss them. It was a slow process but things did improve. I hope some of this info will help.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.