Overwhelmed.

There's an awful lot going on for me at the moment, and truth be told, I just, I'm feeling incredible overwhelmed.

Our host is coming back, and while this is excellent, there are a lot of issues cropping up... I probably shouldn't go into that.

My business... I had a meeting with the business manager at the bank recently, which highlighted all number of things that I've been doing wrong. I could actually potentially have put us right in the shit, on the basis of BAD ADVICE I was given, by a professional. My finances, all the legal crap, I have a MILLION things to do, and I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it all. I spend hours sat at my computer, and I get no-where. Last night I went off on one a little, and decided I needed to do everything last night. I got shitty with the other half, I refused to eat dinner, I just sat working, occasionally hitting my keyboard, until I walked downstairs, collapsed onto our bed, in the dark, and I just, sobbed.

Then I came back up, opened an ancient (and fairly vile) bottle of wine, drunk the lot, kept the other half up until 2AM when he has to be up at 6 for work, which was grossly unfair! Yes, I needed him, but he needed his sleep, and I shouldn't have asked him to stay. Feel like an arse. Also as a consequence, only just damn woke up! Supposed to be out seeing 2 customers today, and okay so one we can write off for today, but the other we can't, and I don't know WHAT to do. We're supposed to have stuff sorted for this customer, and we don't. Yet another thing that's just slipped under the radar. So now do I go? Do I phone and cancel? I HAVE NO CLUE!

We are SO broke this month. MOT, car insurance etc had us pretty damn fucked anyway, but the cat has to go for surgery on Monday. That is costing us hundreds that we don't have, and actually, I'm scared for the little bugger. I know the chances are he'll be fine, but with a GA there is always a risk, and he's poorly and underweight anyway. Of course we're MORE than happy to spend the money on getting the little guy fighting fit, but we are out of money and it's only the 11th of the month. How the hell are we supposed to eat?!

It's also my birthday very soon, and I'd been wanting to do something. Nothing big, because we're never well off, but just something to commemorate 25. I completely missed my own 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd... I only just caught my 23rd, and spent most of it in shock, very confused and saying 'Hold on, I'm HOW old?!' Is it so wrong then that this is actually kind of important to me? Yet here we are, so ridiculously broke, and both the partner and I so close to the edge right now, that I'll be considering myself lucky if I even get a cup of coffee made for me.

Also death seems to be everywhere right now. People we know, people we've cared for, all over the place seem to be getting ill or passing on. I can't do it, I just can't. Will it stop? I apparently deal very, VERY badly with death.

Been bending over backwards to help a close friend with his coursework, and all he does is complain. Would you believe that he ACTUALLY complained that his marks on a piece of coursework I had helped him with, were TOO GOOD?! He's now moaning that I have set his standards too high. Makes me wonder WHY did I bother?

Ohhh and the rain has just started to PISS DOWN! I guess at least that means I have a legitimate reason to phone and cancel on the customer...

The thing is, I need to be going to work, I need to GO to my customers, we NEED the money, urgently! But my head, is exploding, and I need a BREAK as well. I don't know if that's legitimate or if it's just me being weak, but I could really use just a few days on my own somewhere.

Alongside all of this, I have an entire system of people I'm supposed to keep happy, and I'm failing spectacularly! I keep getting shitty with people, not sorting things out, not doing, well, anything. I'm starting to wonder if I should just handover to someone else for a bit, but every time I suggest that to anyone they try to dissuade me. I don't even know why. Why would it be so bad to let someone else take over for a bit? I'm sinking here, I seriously need the break.

Gosh I'm sorry you're struggling so

I understand how it feels to NEED a break SO BAD but if you do there's a chance of dropping one of the many balls you've got in the air. You don't want that to happen but it feels like SOMETHING has got to give. :/ It's frustrating as hell being the one who's responsible for so much. I've often found myself curled up in a ball sobbing because it gets to be too much.

Maybe the idea of taking over everything is too much for the others. Could there be a division made to where you'd still be handling some things but not all of it?

I hope you do get to celebrate your 25th birthday. If anyone deserves a special treat it's you! I really hope it comes together for you

I kinda think how Rebecca thinks... is there anyway you could maybe get somebody to help you do the work Sly? Or maybe, taking away some privilages could help? Like, when I don't do the washing (when it's my turn), I'm not allowed to play games until it's done. Or, we all have a rule that if there's dishes in the sink, then we have to clean them up before we eat rather than pull out a new plate. It gets us having to do things we don't necessarily wanna do, but it's making things slowly better for us.
Maybe you guys could put in place something similar? Like, no playtime during work hours (like nine til five) and in that time instead it's only work or housework. Like at the moment for us (apart from weekends) we have a nine-to-five basis even if we don't have lectures during that time, we still go to the library or do research etc.

Apologies for taking so long to reply to this, I've not been online since I wrote it! Big thanks to the both of you for replying to this.

It's not exactly as if I'm doing everything on my own. There's a group (of four) who deal with the practical work, and two who deal with 'front facing' around customers. Also the bits that needed sorting for this customer have now been sorted by Seb, and so long as the other half doesn't mind running some kit to the customers house tonight, we should be good to go on that one. Also Seb has taken over the building of the website, since he has successfully done it before and I have no experience whatsoever. I have also delegated the dealing of 'internal affairs' to a number of others, as I cannot possibly do both.

It's just that when it comes to the business paperwork, and particularly the accounting side of things, it really doesn't work when more than one person is working at it. We did try, but it is so very much less confusing when it's just the one of us. I was enjoying it, and had it all in hand until the business meeting at the bank. Don't get me wrong, the meeting was good, it just highlighted a LOT of things I hadn't done, and had no idea I needed to do. It is coming together, slowly. I think it was just piling all that on top of everything that was already there, and my brain just sort of went 'splat' for a couple of days. I'm meeting with a friend tonight (who is also self employed in the same line of work) to ask for her advice, as I believe these are all things that she has under her belt already.

The bit where I said "I keep getting shitty with people, not sorting things out, not doing, well, anything." I think I need to clarify. I wasn't saying I was getting shitty with people who weren't sorting things or doing anything, I was saying that I was getting shitty with people, and not sorting things I should have been myself. I'm more on track with this now, it was just a couple of days where I was just, zapped, and as such it seemed mentally incapable of doing much, or in fact anything.

With regards to being so broke, definitely not on my own there. For a start the car I mentioned in regards to MOT and insurance belongs to the other half. But all our wages go into a shared account, so a big cost for one is a big cost for all. However, he and I have discussed our financial issues, and between us have at least managed to see us able to make it through this month and we are laying plans to prevent this sort of issue in future.

The friend who wanted our help with his coursework has basically had the old man putting him in his place, so I doubt he'll be bothering us again with that in his beautifully ungrateful manner! None of us object to helping out a friend, it was the ungrateful manner that caused the issue.

The cat may have cost us a fortune, but he has come through with flying colours, and is bouncing back quickly. Taking him to the vet tonight for a check up, but he's so lively I can't imagine there being too much of an issue! He may be making us absolutely broke, but he is worth every damn penny!

We do already have similar rules to that, in regards to having scheduled work time, and removal of privileges until work (or a suitable equivalent dependent on who is out) is done. I'm not going to say it always works, or is always adhered to, but like yourselves we're finding it's slowly making things run that much smoother for us.

I'm sorry for the chaotic style of my original post, my head was all over the place and I think I just wrote as I thought. I'm also sorry for the length of this one... It is however very helpful in writing it down, just to order it that little bit in my head.

I'm still feeling fairly frazzled, but I've had a few days off, and things are slowly coming together. The partner and I are working for positive change, and the business side of things I am chipping away at slowly, and it's getting there.

Again, a massive thanks for reading, replying, and just generally being there. Apologies for the length of both of these posts, and just, thanks again. Means a lot to me.

Hey great news about your cat We have 3 and love em to pieces so I totally get where you're coming from.

Also, no need to apologize for anything man. Of course writing style mirrors the emotional state. Glad that things are getting sorted out. Sounds like you all have a really great system. Gotta love the determination I always get coming from you. Even when overwhelmed it's clear you just want a moment before pulling your boots up again and I really admire that.